---

Allah & Selfless love.

At a very young age we are thaught that Allah is not pleased with us.

With the feelings we have or the behavior we show.  

An education filled with guilt, shame & fear.

An indoctrination of a strict lifestyle of worship out of fear of Hell or desire for Paradise.

An absolute fear of Allah. Of the creator.

The one closer to us than our jugular vein.

Allah is closer to us than our jugular vein, but at the same time many of us have been thaught that Allah is angry with us, can you imagine?

An angry jugular vein. That’s a lot of stress for the body.

Let’s learn to unstress and relax into our relationship with Allah.

Let’s build a healthy relationship with the one that holds this all together.

Let’s become lovers of Allah.

Instead of just taking on the version our parents & childhood community told us to take.

We have a choice every day to reinvent our relationship with Allah And I truly believe as LGBT Muslims we are Allah’s lovers. As LGBT muslim we have to embrace mysticism.

I came across a Sufi saint the other day called Rabia Al-Hadawiya, who lived c. 714–801 after Christ, 82 years after our Prophet SAW passed away. She is celebrated as a foundational figure and first female saint of Sufism, recognized for transforming Sufi doctrine into a path of pure, selfless love of God. 

Now Rabia Al-Hadawiya was born into crushing poverty in Basra, Iraq. Rabia was orphaned and sold into slavery as a young girl.

When her slave master saw her meditating, she gave off a bright light, and it was in that moment he released her and she devoted her life to Allah and inspired many to follow her act of sefless love. Because if we love Allah Selfless, we can love others selfless and this world can and will become a better place.

In my personal search for Allah I realized, that I didn’t love Allah. That I was the one that left Allah, it was I that doubted Allah. Allah was never gone. I was learned to love Allah on terms and on a set of conditions. As if God owned me something and I owed Allah something.

Based on how ‘good’ and how easy my life was.

I had to deconstruct this relationship through therapy, meditation, herbs and acts of selfless love.

With the ultimate act of selfless love.

Prayer. Prayer. I used to be against prayer. Not against it, but I had a difficult relationship with it. Now at 40 I understand prayer better.

Prayer can be...

The ultimate love letter of selfless love to Allah. To take the time, no.

Allah, I will give you Allah this time, which was given by you, Allah, I will give this time, given by you, back to you and sit in prayer with you.

Praying is an artform, an act of presence, mercy and worship.

Something we cannot perfect in one lifetime but can open our hearts to. Every day over and over and over. Not to gain anything, to master selfless actions, selfless love.

To sit with Allah so we can sit with ourselves, so we can sit with anyone no matter how they feel about us.

Not to receive, not to fear, not to please, selfless.

One of Rabia Al-Hadawiya’s prayers says the following.

"O God! If I worship You in fear of Hell, burn me in Hell; and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise; but if I worship You for Your own sake, grudge me not Your everlasting beauty." 

Allah loves us, all Allah wants is to turn of the noise of this dunya and sit with Allah.

As LGBT muslim we are given a life of interpretation. We are invited to create another direction.

A life where we can build a unique relationship with Allah with rituals that serve us and build this selfless love.

Perhaps the challenge that is given to us as LGBT muslim is given because Allah trusts that we can spread God’s love and follow our own true unique path, build our own faith empowered by our own relationship with Allah. Even without support of blood family and childhood community. We can and will live a joyful, happy, healthy life with Allah by our side. We can and will spread the message of love.

We don’t have to abandon Allah to follow our unique and one-of-a-kind path of life.

We don’t have to hate Islam or any religion to feel good about ourselves.

We don’t have to fear Allah or need anything from Allah, for Allah is indeed closer to us than our jugular vein? And a stressed jugular vein is not healthy for the body.

So let’s relax into our relationship with Allah.

Let’s sit with Allah, that being said.

Let’s pray and imagine this selfless love with the prayer of Rabia Al-hadawiya in the back of our head.

"O God! If I worship You in fear of Hell, burn me in Hell; and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise; but if I worship You for Your own sake, grudge me not Your everlasting beauty." 

AMIN
 
Jaouad Alloul

---